Growing up, my churches gave me a very clear idea of what was expected of a Christian woman. Our ladies conferences boasted ruffles on every available surface, flowers galore, desserts as far as the eye can see, keynote speaker JoJo Moffitt, and of course, the "s-word. "
Submission.
For anyone unfamiliar with conservative Christian culture, submission is hailed as the cornerstone of womanhood. From the Schaaps to the Pearls to John Piper himself, the consensus dictates that headship lies within the male duties, and submission within female duties. Headships a topic for a different day. Today, I'm approaching the concept of submission in marriage. Every Baptist girl knows that blind obedience is the key to a happy marriage, right?
(*crickets*)
Around sophomore year of high school, I stumbled across a book called "A Year of Biblical Womanhood" by Rachel Held Evans. Evans opened my eyes to context behind scriptures I'd always been taught, and gave me a whole new way of seeing myself and my relationship to God, men, and other women. A lot of this post is inspired by her writings in A Year of Biblical Womanhood.
I memorized the Bible very easily growing up. I absolutely loved scripture memorization. In various children's programs, we were taught to memorize and study the Bible in our daily lives, a practice for which I'm incredibly thankful. But beyond the string of words that gets you a pat on the back and a certificate at the end of the semester, what do those verses actually mean?
I go to Liberty University, where all students are required to take Bible classes to complete their degree. One of the big things we're taught when studying scripture is to pay attention to words like "therefore" and to take note of conjunctive adverbs connecting phrases. One way that Rachel Held Evans presented it was: "What is the therefore there for?"
We'll use this later.
I recently shared two images on Facebook. One is the infamous Gothard Umbrella model. The second is one I found online. (Side note: I would love to know the source of the second image. If you know who made it, hit me up.) With these images, I told women that they are on equal footing with men in God's Kingdom. We have equal calling and responsibility. We also have equal access to Christ. Diagrams like the Gothard umbrella assert that men have a higher calling and duty to God than women do. I believe this teaching to be damaging to the family and to the gospel.
From my experience in conservative Christian culture, I have found that there are typically three passages used to instruct (exclusively) women to submit to their husbands in this umbrella model and others like it. Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-2, and Colossians 3:18 are the lucky verses. I'll call these the Big Three.
I'll get back to those.
Most conversations about male headship and female submission in the home center around a few select scriptures in the new testament. Because our view about how wives and husbands should treat each other should come from scripture as a whole instead of a single passage, I'm going to open this up a bit.
Now, when God created humans in Genesis, God created Adam first and then Eve. Often, this scene is pointed to as support for female submission. After all, God clearly designated Eve to be Adam's "helper suitable" (or "help-meet" if you're using KJV.)
The word used here,"Ezer" means "to help" and is used to imply strength. It is a popular name for boys in Jewish culture. God is referred to using this phrase, as is military support and might. Nowhere in scripture (that I have found) is that phrase used to imply that the person it is describing is somehow required to submit to an authority they are "helping."
Next, I'll point out that when looking at the Genesis account, man and woman are on equal footing when speaking or conversing with God. In chapter 2, the man speaks first, followed by the woman. In chapter 3:1-7, the opposite. In verses 8-13 and 14-19, the same exchange happens. This is one example of how the man and woman were treated as equals, with equal responsibility by God. Sorry, Gothard umbrella.
Many complementarians point to God's curse of Adam and Eve in Genesis 3:16-19 as establishing gender roles and duties. God uses "tstsabon" (toil) to describe each of their punishments after being ejected from the garden. Complementarians also point out that God says that the woman will desire the (manteshuqah), and he will rule over her.
From what I can see, this isn't God ordaining a new order. This is a heartbreaking prophesy. This passage talks about the destruction sin brings and the struggle of wills that emerges from a life outside of perfection. Man is physically more powerful than woman, and did indeed rule over her for most of history, because of sin.
Moving back to our Big Three. I like to start with 1 Peter 3:1.
"Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your own husbands."
Hold up. "In the same way"? In the same way as what? Let's look at the context.
The paragraph before this verse sheds some light on that. "Slaves, in reverent fear of God, submit yourselves to your masters. Not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh." (1 Peter 2:18)
In Paul's letter to the Ephesians, after he instructed wives to submit to their husbands, he continues later saying, "Obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, with sincerity of heart, just as your would obey Christ." (Ephesians 6:5)
In the letter to Colossians, Paul said, "Wives submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only where their eye is on you to curry their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord... Masters, provide for your slaves with what is right and fair, because your know that you also have a Master in heaven. (Colossians 3:18-22; 4:1)
Think about the implications of this for a second. If we are to use these passages to say that the hierarchy of man over woman is divinely instituted, we are also saying that the hierarchy of master over slave is instituted by God. Is that what we want to use scripture to do?
Peter and Paul's writings here weren't from a 21st century culture. Paul was writing from a culture dictated by the Pax Romana-- by Greco-Roman household codes that treated women and slaves as property of men. What these men wrote was counter-cultural in that it gave men commands never seen before. It gave men commands to love and honor their wives and their slaves-- to treat them as people instead of property. These passages aren't dictating hierarchy, but rather taking steps to HEAL it. It wasn't limiting men and women to these roles, but admonishing them to take on more than society asked of them. Peter and Paul were calling on those who follow Christ to treat each other more equally than culture did at the time.
Peter challenged those Greco-Roman household codes in his writings by saying "Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God's slaves." (1 Peter 2:6) and Paul told Christians to "Submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Ephesians 2:1)
Look at Christ's ministry. He spent so much of it tearing down hierarchies. He challenged the government's standards of working on the Sabbath. He offered mercy in the face of an execution. He said the last shall be first. The poor will be rich. The meek shall inherit the earth. His ideas were completely backwards from what the Jews were being taught by Rome.
The Christian faith turns hierarchy on its head and says "anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all" (Mark 9:35). Paul and Peter continued the quiet cultural revolution started by Christ and laid the groundwork for Christians to continually treat each other better than culture demands.
Scripture has been used to justify all kinds of evil in the world, from genocide to slavery. Let us interpret with grace instead. Just like Christians in the past had to use context to determine if the hierarchies of slavery mentioned in scripture are divine or man-made, Christians today should be diligently praying over whether forcing female submission in marriage was instituted by God, or by man.
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
I by no means claim to have found the inerrant, perfect interpretation of scripture. But my faith is constantly evolving, and this is where it is now. I'd love your thoughts. Yes, even you Reformed strangers that found their way onto my Facebook. Just be nice, I cry easily.
(Note: This post isn't to say that I believe marriages that practice traditional gender roles are in the wrong. There is nothing wrong playing to your strengths, so long as both parties are agreeing to the arrangement. The beauty of progress in society is that women don't have to be force into roles they don't wish to play anymore. If you want to be a stay at home mom-- awesome! If you want to handle all the cooking-- good on you! But those decisions should be choices you make rather than headship lorded over you by a spouse. Mutual submission is such a beautiful thing.)
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